All Thrown To The Wind
by MyShatteredHeart
Summary: I loved him/And then he left me/I'm searching for acceptance/I can't just let it be. One-Shot. R/H/D


This world is not perfect  
Nor will it ever be  
But when I look into your eyes  
I swear it could be

His hands slip beneath my shirt, hands slowly inching up to my breasts. His lips come down and take mine passionately yet forcefully. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer, never wanting to let him go.

I crumple the note in my hand, tears straining down my face. "Dear Hermione, I love you more than you could imagine, but I can no longer handle the pressure from being with you. I'm sorry it had to end this way, but it does. Please find someone else and be happy. I know you'll do great in whatever you do. Please be happy, Ron"

I've seen the way you look at me  
Even when you think I'm not looking  
I know it was hard  
But I knew it was coming

I walked into the Great Hall. As I walked over to a group of girls I was friendly with, I notice a flash of red hair from the corner of my eye. I slowly inch my way into a strategically placed spot where Lavender is just barely blocking _him_ so I can look without him noticing. My heart breaks a little more every time I hear him laugh at something Harry or Neville say.

I feel retched, but whenever he glances my way I see the sorrow and pain in his eyes and it gives me a sick satisfaction. _Maybe_, my heart screams, _maybe if he feels the way I do, he'll come back to me._ I know it is a lost cause, and I should move on. I am a realistic girl, and rationally, he is never coming back. Yet my heart keeps on hoping for the best, overpowering my rational side completely, a very new and heartbreaking development.

Now I'll never look into your eyes  
See that look upon your face  
Even when things have changed  
Nothing will ever fill that space

The library is my safe haven. A place where few Gryffindors or Slytherins reside, a quiet haven from the drama of day-to-day lives. It is here where we made our truce, sealing fate. Our decision to study together, quietly in the stacks of the Hogwart's library somehow turned into an unlikely companionship between the Gryffindor Golden Girl and the Slytherin Prince.

Now when I'm with him  
I think of all that could have been  
And what we lost  
And what never could begin

Four months it has been, since Ron left. Four months of silence between us, broken only by looks of anguish and hurt. Neither one of us wanted this, neither one ready. And solace has been found in one of the most unlikely places.

His hands caress me  
His voice says my name  
And all I can think about  
Is that I am to blame

"Hermione" He moans as his stormy gray eyes look at me with desire. I look at him, wanting to feel loved again, wanting to be touched. I lean up and capture his lips in a kiss much different from the ones I shared with _him_. My fingers run slowly through his blond hair, deepening the kiss and pulling him closer, as I had once done with Ron. The separation with Ron had been my entire fault. If I had not done the things I did, neither of us would have been under the pressure of separation, and we would have been happy. We still loved each other and wanted to be together. But as that could not be, I choose to find a mirage of love with the one person I can still relate to.

He is not the same as you  
Not nearly as great  
But since you walked away  
He is to whom I can relate

Both of us have had past heartaches. Both of us have demons in our closets. His gray eyes are clouded with a deep hidden pain that few see. My brown ones hide a broken heart beneath a semblance of laughter and joy. My laughter can still be heard throughout the Great Hall at meals and occasionally in the classrooms or corridors, yet I keep waiting for someone to turn to me and accuse me of being false. My laughter is a note too high, lasting a second longer than it needs to be. The one who could have noticed before is no longer speaking to me, and the one who does notice can do nothing for me. I am alone.

And when we separate  
It is to his girlfriend he strides  
Leaving me alone to contemplate  
As my inside divides

We separate, finding our clothes, and share one last kiss before exiting the library. I give him a curt nod before he walks towards Pansy, her lips coming to meet his briefly. As it is well known that the library is shared territory, Pansy and I share a momentary glance of acknowledgement before I shoulder my bag and walk towards my quarters.

He and I can never be  
Nor can you and I  
But how I wish it could be  
Her we would defy

Passing a group of Gryffindors, I discreetly look over the heads of them to see if Ron is there. He is. As is his sister. She notices me, and leans over to the brunette beside her, whispering a few choice words into her ear. I hoist my head up high, as if I didn't notice and continue walking, Ginny now pulling softly on Ron's arm to get him away from the area, the brunette glaring at me as if I carry a disease.

It has been four months and neither of us can let go. I still wish for a relationship with Ron; Ginny still whispers lies into his ear, hoping that someday she'll completely poison him against me. The stairs to my dormitory approach and I quickly ascend them, rushing into my room before the tears start flowing, my heart torn into a million pieces and left scattered on the floor of Ron's room.

I sit here alone  
Wishing for what cannot be  
Never giving love a chance  
For my heart is still debris

**A/N: This was written at 5am, and I hope it is good.**


End file.
